5 Kinds of People You’ll Meet During Your Fall Winery Tour


1. An entire bachelorette party.

The Shenandoah Valley and surrounding area -- one of Virginia’s most popular wine destinations -- falls somewhere between Las Vegas and Nashville when it comes to bachelorette party hotspots this time of year. Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of spotting an engaged gal sporting a penis tiara than you do actually seeing the foliage in its peak this season.


2. That guy who agreed to go with his S.O. who went with him on a summer brewery tour.

Relationships are all about compromise, especially when the partners have opposing views on alcohol preferences. So don’t be surprised when you see a guy cringing while he samples a claret with his date -- his date suffered the same fate with IPAs during brewery season a few months ago.


3. The false wine “connoisseur” who pretends to know everything about wine.

This guy. This guy is anywhere there’s wine, and while his knowledge of vineyards doesn’t extend much further than red wine versus white, he’ll take every opportunity possible to pretend that isn’t the case. This boor will mispronounce viognier, talk about the oak undertones in a chardonnay that was aged in steel barrels, and insufferably explain what he thinks Bordeaux is to impress his unimpressed date. Head for open waters, dear reader.


4. A married couple trying to have a date but had to bring their baby.

All this couple wanted was a romantic day in the mountains, but unfortunately the babysitter bailed at the last minute, leaving them stuck with an infant whose crying gets louder by the second. And the worst part? No amount you drink will fix this problem.


5. The guy who was misled by friends; thought “heading to the C-ville area” meant this was a hiking trip.

This person is more of a rarity but he exists nonetheless. His friends phoned him at the last minute, asking if he’d like to join them in the mountains for the day, and without asking questions he laced up his boots and agreed. Sadly, the vineyard in Afton where he was instructed to meet wasn’t the trailhead he was hoping for. But on the flipside, the dark chocolate trail mix he packed may complement any merlots he ends up sampling.


Thirsty? See the latest wine, beer and cocktail events going on around you now >>


Thanks to our friends at The Peedmont who contribute to OccasionGenius. For more from Virginia's most trusted satirical news source, visit them at The Peedmont.


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